Upset And Frustrated With My Demented Mother!

Sandy states that she is really upset and frustrated.

So I asked, what exactly is she upset and frustrated about.

My mother is constantly yelling at me and no matter what I try to do for her!  She yells at me all the time. She even tries to hit me! After all I do for her and this is the thanks I get! She treats me like I am still a child and accuses me of stealing her stuff!”

So I asked Sandy if there is anything she can think of that would make her mother upset with her.

No, I can’t think of anything. I am with her constantly and I have to cook, clean take care of all her needs, as well as my own kids and husband. It’s becoming unbearable, not to mention the fact that I get no time for me!  My lazy brother and sister are footloose and fancy free while I am stuck with this situation.

Sandy is feeling angry because she doesn’t think she should be blamed when she has given up everything to care for her mother.

"care giver book"Can you relate?

Unfortunately many caregivers have shared very similar stories with me.  Thats why I created the Free Download 7 Easy Tips to Help You Care For Your Loved One Without Causing You Stress 

Sandy’s anger and frustration are evident to her mother.

You see, people with dementia rely mostly on visual and auditory cues along with facial expressions. As the disease progresses they no longer understand words, but they watch and pick up more from tone of voice, body language and your facial expressions. I would bet that Sandy hasn’t hidden any of her feelings from her mother, although she hasn’t expressed her feelings to her mother, they show in her tone of voice, facial expressions and her body language.

As the disease progresses, people with dementia/Alzheimer’s disease can become agitated or aggressive.  Agitation could mean the person is restless or worried and unable to settle down. This agitation may appear as pacing, sleeplessness or aggression. It may also be caused by the caregiver herself without even realizing it, as in the case with Sandy.

Once Sandy was aware of the fact that she was carrying around these angry feelings and thoughts and they were causing her strife and increased stress, we were able to help her free herself from the oppressive thoughts and feelings.

She was then able to function in a more loving, kind, and caring manor toward her mother, and she immediately noticed that her mother was less agitated and stopped yelling at her and blaming her for stealing her stuff.

Most of the time, agitation and aggression happens for a reason. When this happens, try to find the cause. If you find the cause, the behavior may stop.

You want to look for and eliminate the following:

  • Pain, depression, or stress
  • Too little rest or sleep
  • Constipation
  • Soiled underwear or diaper
  • Sudden change in a well-known place, routine, or person
  • A feeling of loss—for example, the person may miss the freedom to drive
  • Too much noise or confusion or too many people in the room
  • Being pushed by the caregiver to do something—for example, to shower, or remember an event
  • Feeling lonely and not having enough contact with other people
  • Interaction of medications

Look for early signs of agitation or aggression. If you see the signs, you can deal with the cause before problem behaviors start. Try not to ignore the problem. Doing nothing can make things worse.

Coping With Agitation and Aggression

I was a guest presenter on Mike Good’s  Together In This webinar where I shared  “How To Be Successful With Your Caregiving Goals”.

This video was a live broadcast on May 24, 2016 and is presented here with permission via Together In This Click Here to watch the entire webinar.  Mike Good is dedicated to help educate all caregivers by providing streamlined resources and easy to use tools.

How to be Successful with Your Caregiving Goals

This webinar was well received and is helpful to illustrate how our own actions may be the cause of negative behavior. Watch it now and learn if what we are doing is causing our care partners to react to us in an agitated or aggressive manner.

Tips for Coping

Here are some ways you can cope with your care partner’s agitation or aggression:

  • Reassure the person. Speak calmly. Listen to his or her concerns and frustrations.
  • Allow the person to keep as much control in his or her life as possible.
  • Try to show that you understand if the person is angry or fearful.
  • Validate them.

Coping with change is hard for someone with Alzheimer’s.

  • Try to keep a routine, such as bathing, dressing, and eating at the same time each day.
  • Build quiet times into the day, along with activities.
  • Keep well-loved objects and photographs around the house to help the person feel more secure.
  • Try gentle touching, soothing music, reading, or walks.
  • Reduce noise, clutter, or the number of people in the room.
  • Try to distract the person with a favorite snack, object, or activity.
  • Limit the amount of caffeine, sugar, and “junk food” the person drinks and eats.

Here are some things you can do:

  • Slow down and try to relax if you think your own worries may be affecting the person with Alzheimer’s.
  • Try to find a way to take a break from care-giving. Ask for help! If you have trouble with how to ask for and receive help, contact me!

Safety Concerns

When the person is aggressive, protect yourself and others. Walk away and stay at a safe distance away from the person until the behavior stops.  Remember to protect the person from hurting himself or herself.

If you have questions as to how to help your loved one get a free copy of 7 Easy Tips to Help You Care For Your Loved One Without Causing You Stress“.


Transparentweb_pixClick Here To download  a free copy of ” 7 Easy Tips To Help You Care For Your Loved One Living With Alzheimer’s/Dementia Without Causing You Stress”

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