Handling Meltdowns And Resentment – Part V

Geriatric Meltdown

8. “They don’t tell you about the helpful passer-by who insists on intervening because they’ve mistaken her having a meltdown in the street (and you desperately trying to get her home) for a geriatric kidnapping.”

This is why we say “go with it”!  It is really difficult to see your loved one having a temper tantrum! We often reserve them to small children and it can really be disheartening to watch. And if you are out for a walk and they decide to have a tantrum there really isn’t much you can do about it.  My suggestion is that you back track your steps. What was the conversation just before the outburst?  In the midst of this temper tantrum do not argue. Do not disagree. Try to get on her side and say I see you are upset. And then begin to investigate what she could possibly be upset about. Do not push her to do something at this point. Go with her… If you push she will push back.  Let go, don’t argue and she will have nothing to push against. She or he is not going to let go. She no longer has that filter and she will resist you at all cost. We have to be the one to stop pushing our will, our thoughts, our ideas, and our agendas and let it go and stop having to be right.  It isn’t easy and no one would ever tell you that it is. That’s why I tell people they must have support and preferably with someone who understands this disease and is expert in teaching skills to cope with the day to day changes and challenges that occur.

couple-resentful-white

  1. “They don’t tell you about the resentment that arises when relatives become invisible and stop visiting, leaving you to deal with the whole sorry nightmare.”

Unfortunately this is the case with most families. I share specific instructions on what to do step by step at the beginning of this journey in the FREE PDF 7 Easy Tips To Help You Care For Your Loved One Living with Alzheimer’s/Dementia, Without Causing You Stress, so that these issues never arise. If a family member refuses to be involved, then they have no say later on. This needs to be made clear in the very beginning. The PDF also gives you information about legal issues that need to be addressed early on in this process.

I certainly do understand the resentment that arises for I had to deal with it in my own family, even though they were supportive!  I could not have been successful without my coach and support system. You feel as though you’ve been hit from every angle all at once and it becomes a long, lonely, unhappy, grievous road to travel alone.  No social life left, very few friends remember who you are or that you are still alive. I know how it feels. But, I wouldn’t give up the time I got to spend with my mom for anything!

Holding on to resentment, frustration and anger only hurts you. You must learn to forgive. There was a time I was having a hard time forgiving someone near to me who have violated me in the most hurtful way possible. It took some time, but one day while I was really feeling the resentment and anger, it occurred to me that this person had no idea how upset and angry I was. He was able to go about his business carefree and I was the one left with the emotional turmoil! Anger, frustration, wanting to scream and even kill!  It wasn’t hurting him at all. It was hurting me! At that moment I realized that I had to say, “I forgive him and the wrong he committed.” I would love to say I was immediately free, but it was within a very short time that I was able to remember the incident and not feel the pain. Once again I could have a relationship with this person, although it wasn’t the same as before this happened.  We now can get along without the anger and resentment. So I encourage you to practice forgiveness and learn to forgive yourself as well.

I have certainly made my share of mistakes. We all do. It’s part of this journey, but it is well worth it when you look back and know you did the best you could. No one understands what they will encounter, and no one can tell you exactly how your journey will be, because each one is slightly different. This is the reason you need to seek out a coach/mentor early on and stick with them throughout the journey. They understand and have been there and the best coaches have special training, to help you every step of the way.

Watch for the next post which is Bureaucracy, Disability and UTI’s

If you have not asked for the free PDF “7 Easy Tips To Help you Care For Your Loved One Living with Alzheimer’s/Dementia, Without Causing You Stress” Get it now.

And if this has been of value, be sure to share it and leave a comment.  God Bless you…

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